everyday yeah pic and story

The small room where everyone’s security guard lived was also the home of a cigarette who like to send emails to a person who read emails while wearing a gas mask.

The white coat was not white anymore so I sold it to a maple that was pretending to be a snowman who wanted to be a bad foot smell when he grew up.

Yesterday, I was trying on a purple lulu dress from anthropologie while playing in a pickup football game and I accidentally threw my iPhone at a lasagna I baked earlier which made me think, “I haven’t made a post on my fashion/techie/sports/foodie blog in decades.”

Someone was standing in the middle of the street yelling at a muffin crown this afternoon while my computer was trying to meditate.

The igloo that taught me how to feel bad said, “goodbye,” and then I waited next to a cornfield for a new igloo to grow.

Our human emotions support the idea of less communication, but we have yet to figure out how to live outside our own skin.

The peanut butter has been raining and all our brains are oatmeal.

A thousand boys were making lake bubbles on the moon, but their astronaut suits began to wilt so they took them off and put on moon sneakers. 

A girl was sitting in a bread cup at a bar mitzvah, but then an alien drowned in a lake near the house and all the party guests went to the lake to burn the alien.

The green-bearded man wearing a sweater woven from the hair of his friend’s beards asked if I wanted to buy him a smoothie. I told him I could only afford to buy him an empty peanut shell.

The crippled child smoking a cigarette stopped limping up the street to look back at a crowd of female elk who were gossiping while they nibbled and peed on a pigeon feather.

I was supposed to set up the sound system for a party, but I forgot the wall outlets and all the people who looked like shoelaces kept running off with my dj microphone. There was one guy there who smelled like a half-eaten meat pie. His name was “Hickory Mints.”

My head told me to stop looking at the computer glow. I pressed my face into a bottle of salad dressing and did not leave the house for three years.

The telephone at the burrito store kept ringing. One of the people inside the burrito store rubbed hot sauce on the telephone. A man inside the television threw a football.

The white pebbles filled our lawn last night and when we woke up they were all barking at us so we put on mittens and fed them hotdogs.

I stood in the lobby bathroom of a large building yesterday and took pictures of every businessman before he went into one of the stalls to remove their modern belief in global responsibility.

The smoked salmon lying on the bookshelf said, “I hope that I will live to be one-hundred and that I learn to accept responsibility for humanity’s inability to admit their utter failure.”

The part of my t-shirt that itches began to pimple so I rubbed it with the shriveled feather of an owl’s maturation process and the pimple turned into a golden boil that I could twist off and sell to an auto dealership as a cap for a tire’s air pressure.

Three days ago I got invited to a tea parade, but I got so sick that my lips made my eyes sad and I wasn’t able to breathe without an oxygen tank anymore.

A man in yellow sweatpants with brown egg stains tried to lay a tarp over the entire Atlantic Ocean, but his arms were too short and he was sweating too much.

Two small children were told that one of them would become bald in their late twenties. One of the children shaved off all his hair and glued it to the other boy’s head.

Two girls were going to egg their neighbor’s house, but they only had organic eggs so instead they made some breadsticks and watched a movie about a zombie who pretended to be a wall outlet.

All the puddles that used to live in the mall were removed last Saturday and have been living inside a shed near the courthouse where about eight million polar fleece zippers have been living.

The king of a small grain of sand tried to start a war with a local pond, but after he convinced the entire population of the grain of sand to roll the grain of sand to the local pond he was sweating too much out of his eyebrows and had to go to a hospital. When he got to the hospital one of the doctors accidentally sewed the king’s lips to his eyelids. 

The quiet lemon watched the lopsided dog look at the mouse hole where his mother disappeared after he ate chicken salad first the first time.

A paint can stood in the middle of traffic and asked people to buy him a hotel room, but most of the people in the middle of traffic lived inside a drumbeat and didn’t know what a hotel was. 

On the day I ate stew I saw a man walking and he was wearing a coat, but the coat was made from old newspapers so I guess on the day I ate stew I saw a man who wasn't wearing a coat.

A man with no mouth in his face looked at me while I fed a cream soda to one of the squirrels in the park and when I finished the squirrel ran over to the man with no mouth and climbed into his sweatshirt pocket.

On the way to the high fructose corn syrup store, I found a half-eaten credit card, an empty box of matches, a grocery list in Spanish, a container of jolly ranchers filled with an orange peel, and a soft noise of someone three feet behind me pretending to drool on themselves.

A famous short man went to an office supply store to return his color printer, but the office supply store was bankrupt so the famous short man took off his hat and stood on it until the hat turned to dirt.