Dear Bernie #7 (April 13th, 2009)

Dear Bernie,
Web traffic has been piling up at an increasing rate lately. Even though you can't count you should check out the graph below.

I bet you want credit for the big boost in numbers. To be honest, I don't think anyone but mom and dad read these letters. Sorry, but I'm afraid you're not famous. Sometimes I wonder how many people you actually think exist. I bet the number barely breaks one-hundred. I don't think you've met anyone new in three years. It must be nice to go to bed at night and think you know everyone in the world. I'm actually quite jealous. I'm guessing you would probably get a 32 on the math portion of the SATs. I don't know why I said that. I'm just saying. You don't have any worries. ‘32' is not a very good score. You should not be proud of this number. Getting a 32 on the SATs is the equivalent of chewing on the leg of a chair in biology and asking the teacher to give you a c-minus. It still kind of makes me angry that Mrs. Cook was going to give you a c-minus until I pointed out you were a dog. Still, Mrs. Cook was better looking than the average teacher so I didn't get too upset. I wonder what happened to her. I think the principal was mad she let a dog in class. It was nice having you sit next to me and laugh at my jokes. I can't remember why you were allowed to come to school with me. I'm pretty sure I wasn't blind and you weren't blind either so that wasn't the reason. I actually don't think you were allowed to come to school. I don't remember you ever coming to school with me. Weird. I wonder why Mrs. Cook left then. Anyway, I think the reason for all the traffic is a pretty lady named India de Beaufort. I once wrote about interviewing her. She's on a new television show and there has been a lot of google searching the internet for her. If you knew what a search engine was I bet you would look up pie and then lick the computer monitor until your tongue got sore.