Dear Bernie #4

Dear Bernie,

I found some old photographs recently. They’re from the Christmas card photo shoot a few years ago when you decided you were too cool to wear reindeer antlers and smile nicely next to your loving family. The same loving family who have never once thought about giving you away despite the fact that on more than one occasion each of us have returned to the living room to find an empty plate and you in the corner trying to choke down the reheated leftovers. Now, I’m not saying we don’t all have our faults, but really? You couldn’t have faked wearing antlers for two seconds? Did you think mother would rather send out Christmas cards with you eating the antlers? Or did you think our friends and family would rather get a Christmas card of father throwing snow shovels at you while screaming on the front lawn while mother tried to hide her tears? I know you can’t help yourself most times, but these old photographs have gotten me a little riled up. I’ll write again when I calm down a little.

-Mark