Dear Bernie #3

Dear Bernie,

Mother came to visit last week. She said you didn't want to come. I understand you were busy and probably had television programs to watch, but I thought you could at least ask Dad to show you how to use the VCR. Who knows, maybe you did. I remember I once asked Dad how to use the VCR and he broke the kitchen table. Or maybe I asked for calzones and he broke the kitchen table rolling the dough. I can't remember. I just know he broke the kitchen table. It wasn't his fault. Calzones are very tough to make if you're making them from scratch. I believe he was rolling the dough when he broke the kitchen. I can’t quite remember. I was either watching television or eating cereal. Maybe both. Anyway, I probably shouldn't talk about these things to you. I know you get kind of loony when it comes to food. Please don't bite Dad's leg because you’re upset he never broke the kitchen table trying to make you calzones. If you were a little pickier when it came to food then maybe he would break the kitchen table trying to make you a calzone. To be honest, it doesn’t bode well that you eat out of the compost. Why would anyone make you calzones when you’re willing to digest rotten lettuce heads and egg shells? I don’t know? It’s your life. Live it however you want. Still, it would have been nice to see you, but I understand. Hope all is well otherwise.

-Mark