Shane Jones' Light Boxes

Shane Jones is now famous.  He sold the movie rights for his book to Ray Tintori who is a friend of Spike Jonze.  I think Spike Jonze will probably win an Oscar when I’m thirty-three years old.  He may have already won an Oscar.  Nice job Spike Jones. 

A few months ago, before Shane Jones became famous, he sent me his book.  I will be honest.  I did not read it.  That wasn’t entirely honest.  I did read it, but I did not read it completely.  I read parts of it.  I read the beginning, but then stopped.  This was not a Fuck-Shane-Jones-and his-book situation and more of an I-think-I-will-read-on-the-bus-whoops-I-fell-asleep scenario.  Falling asleep on the bus was not Shane Jones’ book’s fault.  Falling asleep on the bus is very common.  Sometimes I take pictures of people who have fallen asleep on the bus.  I would not be surprised if people take pictures of me when I fall asleep on the bus.   

In case you were unaware Shane Jones wrote the book Light Boxes and is now famous.  I only say this because I don’t think I mentioned the title of his book yet.  He probably has a better chance of winning the National Book Award now.  Spike Jonze will maybe tell Dave Eggers to pull a few strings.  Dave Eggers will probably pull one string.  He does not have many strings connected to the National Book Award committee.  The string he pulls will probably be connected to a kite.  The kite will fall and die.  Spike Jonze will be a little pissed at Dave Eggers.  He might punch him in the groin.  When baseball announcers are announcing a game and a player obviously gets hit in the testicles they always say the player was hit in the ‘groin’.  If Shane Jones’ book saw the kite fall and die it would probably smile.  I think Shane Jones is three years older than me.  If I win the National Book Award it will probably be three years after Shane Jones turns sixty.  Either he or I will win the National Book Award when I am fifty-seven.  If someone else wins I will ask Shane Jones to punch this other person in the groin.  Shane Jones is nice.  He will not do it.

Two or three months passed after Shane Jones sent me his book.  I felt guilty.  I bought other books.  Piles of unread books grew.  Shane Jones sold the movie rights to the book and posted on his blog that the first printing was sold out.  Feelings of guilt multiplied.  I decided I would finish reading Light Boxes my last week in California.  I went to the Burbank library.  I read the first hundred pages.  The library got crowded.  People were standing at computers tapping keyboards.  The noise annoyed me.  I left.  I drove my girlfriend’s jeep to 7-11.  I got a big gulp of Mountain Dew.  I went back to the jeep.  I drank some of the big gulp.  I read the last sixty pages.  I did not roll down the window.  Sweat beaded on my arms.  It dripped off my nose.  A little got on the pages.  I thought, “Oh, Jimmy isn’t going to like that.”  When I finished my shorts and shirt were soaked.  I got out of the jeep.  I drank the rest of the big gulp.  I put Shane Jones’ book in an envelope and walked to a mail box.  I dropped it in.  A few days later Jimmy emailed me.  He said, “Thanks for the book.”  I did not tell him about the sweat drops. 

To an unmarried man with few commitments, no children, and above average ability to fall asleep on public transportation the layout was initially frustrating, but not really a hindrance, more of an excuse.