continued from part one A man wearing plain clothes and plain white shoes stands in the middle of a grassy field. The camera pans across the desolate landscape of trees and flowers peacefully blowing in the wind. The man looks upward to the skies and, being alone in a strange place without anything to do, lets out an enraged scream, the camera directly over his gaping mouth. A pedestal slowly rises from the ground donning a pair of sweet new Atmosphere Jumpers— the red ones. He picks them up and looks at them. He puts them on and suddenly he is decked out in awesome name brands. He jumps, blasting off into the air and lands, cracking the pavement in the middle of a street court, basketball in hand. Everyone looks at him and looks at his shoes and they are like, “oh fuck.” A montage of the guy slam dunking the ball whilst hurting his opponents by jumping into them and juking them badly takes place and he wins the game against five dudes with regular shoes on. He steps on one of them who is writhing on the ground with a broken nose, and the camera zooms in on the shoe and freeze frames as the words “Just Get Em” appear. The screen cuts to black and Eddy puts up his index finger like, “that’s one”. A little girl is walking her dog down the sidewalk of a peaceful street in a suburban neighborhood. Something big and bright shoots by her and she and her dog are blown back into someone’s front yard. A badass voiceover comes on. “Zero to a hundred fifty in six seconds.” An elderly woman is crossing the street at an intersection with several bags of groceries. Something big and bright is seen in the distance down the street. The camera cuts to an up close shot of the woman’s face which is contorted in an expression of sheer horror. We see a shot of a tire locking up and then the Avoid Suburban with the EHD hood coming to a screeching halt inches from the woman as she gets blasted across the street and lands in a huddled mess on the other side of the intersection. There are groceries everywhere. “Ultra quad anti-lock breaks.” A young attractive couple are walking together down a city street. We see the suburban come to a crazy fast stop in the street directly behind the two, the EHD screen on the hood blaring a popular action movie. The man turns his head around so fast that he breaks his neck and slumps down onto the sidewalk. The woman looks at him and then at the Suburban with the EHD and she walks over and hops in and starts making out with the guy in the driver’s seat and we hear the voiceover guy a third time. “The all new Avoid Suburban, now with Extreme High Defenition. This thing can really turn heads.” The Suburban takes off down a busy street swerving in and out of little tiny cars and blasting people off the sidewalk as the screen fades to black. Eddy raises another finger, “that’s two.” A woman in a short red dress is dancing in a crowded night club. A guy comes up to her and mouths, “how about a dance?” and we see a computer generated waft of green disgustingness emanate from his mouth. She flips him off and continues dancing by herself. A slightly more attractive man dances over to her and mouths, “how about it?” and puts out his hand. We see another cloud of putrid green funk emitted as he speaks. She kicks him in the penis and he falls down onto the floor and gets trampled by the crowd of people dancing around the woman. We see a man leaning up against the bar watching her. The man is Grant Filmore. Grant takes out a pack of Omega Junk Gum and pops a piece into his mouth and saunters over to the short dressed dancing chick. Grant asks her audibly, “would you like to dance?” and as he does so a computer generated stream of what looks like arctic mist comes out of Grant’s mouth and surrounds the dancing woman. She has an orgasm right there on the dance floor and grabs Grant’s hand and starts to drag him toward the exit. As he stammers against the woman’s forceful pulls, Grant turns around toward the camera and says, “Omega Junk Gum. Works every time,” and puts on a big smile, and they leave together. Eddy puts up a third. A woman in a bathing suit stands at the edge of a swimming pool. As she dives to enter the water, the image freezes and the camera zooms into an up close shot of her back where we see some weird tufts of brown hair. “Do you have hair that you don’t like in places you wish it wasn’t there on your body? Hi, I’m doctor John Philip Hynes, inventor of the Lightspeed Turbo 3400 Space Cadet Plasma Shaver. The Lightspeed Turbo is the first shaver ever developed by humans that can rid the body of unsightly hair forever.” We see a computer generated image of someone’s body covered in hair while a computer generated shaver slides over it causing the hair to disappear while the doctor discusses the science. “Using plasma technology developed by real scientists and doctors in a lab, we’ve found the recipe to honest hair removal, for always, is the tiny nano machines that work their way under the skin and kill the hair before it can ever grow back ever again.” The words “Ever Again” flash on the screen. At this point the computer generated body is completely shaved and we see the words “Lightspeed Shaved” underneath it. Another computer generated body with the words, “Not Lightspeed Shaved” underneath it stands next to Lightspeed Shaved. A timeline pops up over the two bodies and starts to progress forward in years. We see the Not Lightspeed Shaved model start to grow computer generated hair at a rapid pace all over its body, while the other remains completely hairless. Eventually the timeline reaches “100 years” and both the bodies collapse having suffered computer generated deaths as they are very old. Not Lightspeed Shaved is covered entirely in hair apart from its palms and the bottoms of its feet while Lightspeed Shaved remains completely hairless. The camera cuts to a woman sitting beside a pool in a lawn chair talking about her shaver. “Before I had lots of hair that I didn’t like the places where it was and I was very unhappy, but now, with the new Lightspeed Turbo, I don’t!” Doctor John Philip Hynes walks over and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you Tabitha,” he says, and she glances up at him lovingly. “You heard it ladies and gentleman, the Lightspeed Turbo works! What are you waiting for?” Some guy with a really fast voice starts rattling off a bunch of nonsense and then the commercial ends. Eddy puts out his pinkey finger and says, “Four weeks in a row, man. Not bad” “Told you,” I say. A woman in an art gallery is looking at a painting and it is clear that she is liking it very much. She stares and stares and then she turns around and reaches into her purse. The woman takes a bottle out of her bag. The bottle has the word Zono printed on it. I choke on one of my fries. The crowd at Quick Happy’s gasps. I can’t believe it. The woman pops a Zono and waits a moment, then turns herself around for some re-experiencing. She loves the painting all over again and the commercial ends with the slogan for Zono, “Number one in temporary memory relief.” The screen goes up and the lights come back and business goes on as usual. I’m feeling particularly distraught. Eddy and I agree to wait a few minutes and take a couple Phoxys. We wait a couple minutes and take a couple Phoxys. “Why do you think we took those Phoxys?” Eddy asks me. “That’s a good question.” I say, feeling particularly distraught. “I’m going to go home, man, do you want to come over and play football.” “Yeah, let’s go.” We leave Quick Happy’s and head off down the street. The sun is low above the other side of the park. Eddy and I are silent. We both know why we took our Phoxys. Or at least, we have a good idea. On the side of a big building is a big splotch of digital paint with an info clip for Zono. Eddy and I look at each other. We start jogging toward Eddy’s house and each pop a Phoxy and I throw my bottle into the bushes, trying to forget.