The leaves on the trees changed color so quickly I can’t seem to remember a time when they had been alive. Some splotchy yellow ones follow along behind me in the wind, softly bludgeoning my back as if to say, “look, turn around and see how beautiful we have become in our death!” I enjoy this feeling, so I pop a Phoxy and do a little re-experiencing. Walking alongside a row of old cedar trees, I notice a big improvement in the picture quality of the new digital info paint they’ve started slapping up around town. I can see Grant Filmore’s face in ExtremeHD like half a football field away. He’s suggesting Phoxolothene 1 as, “it’s the fastest leading 5-minute memory relief tablet on the planet or anywhere else for that matter,” and with this I agree. I really like the information clip, Grant’s retro blazer is clearly from Patriotic Hawk where I buy my jeans, so I wait for it to end and pop a Phoxy for some re-experiencing. Phoxy is my favorite product this year, great for a quick forget or a re-experience. Basically it releases some kind of neuro transmitters into the brain that do something to some glands or something. I’m not really sure how it works, but the stuff works great. My friend Eddy got me into it. He started using his parents’ one night back in freshman year after his dad roughed him up a little. He came over with it and asked me to tell him we’d been playing football and he took one. Occasionally Eddy takes more Phoxy than they say you should on the info clips. The night of the B&B wireless parade he took 20 minutes worth and ended up stumbling around trying to remember where he was. He was really scared and he kept screaming at people who would look at him and he was all disoriented. Eventually I got him to calm down, but not before he had given me a bloody nose and called me dad like a lot of times. Actually just thinking about that time gives me…well, one more won’t hurt. Grant Filmore has been voted the City’s hottest celebrity bachelor for three years running and today he’s signing autographs in the square. When I get there I give Eddy a call and he sees me and runs over with a poster for “Favorite Face,” his favorite TV channel and Grant’s most popular, where a bunch of teenage girls spend several moths living in a big Hollywood dream house trying to get as skinny as possible so that Grant will pick them for a date at the end of the season where they get to ask him questions about life and style. Eddy holds it up and I see the big “GF” signature and I’m like, “wow.” He says, “I know, right?” I take out my refillable Phoxy bottle and nod like “yeah, he’s totally going to sign this.” Eddy nods back and we head over to the end of the signature line. On the other end is Grant Filmore. He’s singing a few product themes for some teenage girls who are helping him along by joining in at the big loud repeating parts. “Very good, you girls should consider a singing career,” says Grant, and they all do an embarrassed laugh and the line moves up a little. “Do you think he’ll sign the Phoxy?” I ask Eddy. “Yeah he’ll sign it, that’s the number one in fast acting”— “I know what it is, man, I’m just nervous.” “Don’t worry, dude, he’ll sign it.” “Grant Filmore,” I say. “Grant fucking Filmore,” Eddy says. I’m up at the front of the line and my turn’s next. I’m so excited my right hand is shaking and my head hurts. The girl in front of me is wearing a T-shirt which has a big picture of Grant catching a football in his underwear and reads, “Get the look.” He signs it and smiles at her and she shrieks and hops off to a group of her friends who are standing next to a fountain with digital ad tape painted around the base. I walk up to Grant and hand him the bottle. “What’s this?” “It’s my Phoxy, number one for fast acting memory relief.” “Oh…yeah, damn right. Say, how old are you, little man?” “21,” I lie. Grant looks at me funny then gives me the smile from the info clip for dog mops, the mops you strap to your dog’s back, where he sees the dog with a mop on it and is like wtf? But then when he sees that the dog is cleaning up the kitchen floor he does his smile like, “yeah, I was only kidding about that sullen look; this product rocks,” and then he says that. “Just playing dude, hand me that Phoxy.” I give it to him. He signs. “Thanks,” I say as he hands it back to me, “hey, what do you think about Zono?” “What?” “Phoxy’s number one competitor. They say that they’re number one in memory relief.” “Do they?” “Yeah, they say it’s the best.” “Well dude, Phoxy is number one in fast acting memory relief so they’re wrong my man.” “Alright, I thought so, I just wanted to ask you ya know because you’re on all the info”— “Yeah bro, totally my man, hey I’ve got a lot of signing to do so could you...” At this point I pop a Phoxy which is probably a bad idea because now I’m standing face to face with Grant Filmore with no recollection of what he or I have said, or if we’ve said anything, and for a second I forget who I am. I try to introduce myself but he tells me I have to move and I get really confused when I see his signature on my bottle and I start to feel weird and then I can’t hear stuff and Grant gets all blurry and the next thing I know I feel like I’m falling. I wake up on some grass and Eddy is sitting there next to me. “You passed out, man.” “Aw, I don’t feel good.” “You passed out right in front of Grant Filmore.” “Are you serious? Fuck,” I say, remembering the waiting in line and the falling feeling. “I shouldn’t have taken that Phoxy.” “What were you trying to do?” “Re-experience.” “Stupid fucking time to re-experience, man. That was embarrassing. I had to go over there right in front of him and drag you away from the line so people would stop complaining. They wanted to call an ambulance but I told them no. I knew your parents would be pissed.” “Thanks Ed.” “Yeah, well don’t pull that shit again.” “Want a Phoxy?” “Yeah, sure.” Eddy and I head over to Quick Happy’s to get a bite to eat. The place is packed, but we find a seat in the middle of the place between a rotating sunglasses stand and an artificial plant. I get the bbq fried imitation chicken snacker package for just 12 bucks. Eddy orders a salad slammer and I make fun of him for it cause salad is so not cool, but Eddy has something called high cholesterol and so he has to get it. A group of kids over in the corner are pointing and joking, but Eddy can’t see them so I don’t tell him because I know how Eddy can get. “What time is it?” Eddy asks me. “2:50” I say, nodding like “yeah almost time”. “They’re definitely doing one here, right?” “Uhm, yeah,” I say and point over to the poster on the wall that says “3:00 Sunday. Free Showing. Information Clips Of The Week. “Nice.” At three o’clock the lights in Quick Happy’s go down and everyone stops eating and it gets real quiet. The screen descends in front of the register counter and some people hoot and I make a little noise like “woot.” I practically already know the top five of the week. In school I’m kind of known for my ability to predict them so good. I’ve guessed them all the last three weeks in a row. At the end of the day on Friday I post them on the bulletin board by the main office and a bunch of kids read them and occasionally I catch a teacher looking at the list. Not to brag or anything but it’s kind of a talent. “So, what’s it going to be this week?” Eddy asks. “You saw the list.” “Yeah but I forget. What’s it going to be.” “Alright, Omega Junk Gum, Atmosphere Jumpers— the red ones, Avoid’s new Suburban with the EHD screen on the hood, and the Lightspeed Turbo 3400.” “That’s only four.” “C’mon man, you know the fifth one.” “Phoxolothene?” “Yep. Phoxy’s been in the top five ever since it came out on”— “Shut up dude, it’s starting,” Eddy interrupts, and we stare at the screen. continued in part two