Review: wall-e

A robot stood on the day after the apocalypse.

“I am not a robot,” it said.

The robot said hello to a refrigerator. The day before it said hello to a fire
extinguisher, a lighter, a twirling cube thing, a bug, and lots of other
junk. The refrigerator didn’t say
anything. Nothing ever did. A bug kind of scurried, but it couldn’t
really talk. The robot opened the
refrigerator. Someone shouted, “Robots
don’t eat.” A child cried. “We’re all robots,” I thought. The person behind me said, “I hope Indiana
Jones isn’t inside.” Another person
behind me said, “God, that movie was awful.” I reached in my pocket. I prayed
for Etgar Keret’s wrench. Technically it
wasn’t his wrench, but he knew people who had wrenches and hit people in the
face with them. I wanted to be one of
these people.

The robot said, “Excuse me refrigerator. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I would like to
cut you open.” The robot didn’t really
say this, but I think that’s what he implied when he beeped. The robot beeped and the refrigerator offered
up the last plant in the known world.

Everyone groaned, “Not another environmental-save-the-planet
movie.” A black man in the back said,
“Fuck Al Gore.” Everyone laughed. I did not know for sure that it was a black
man who said this. I hope you don’t
think I’m racist. I do not know for sure
if it was a black man who said this. I
made a stereotype and I am not a good person because of it, but I don’t mean to
offend anyone. My logic isn’t always
right. I am not afraid to admit
this. I am wrong a lot. I just thought that black people often yell
things out during movies. They are
usually funny. I wish I had seen The Happening with a theater full of
black people. They would have said
things like, “Don’t go into the forest you stupid white bitch.” Maybe they wouldn’t have said anything. Like I said, I am wrong most of the time. If someone had said this during The Happening while Mark Wahlberg was
onscreen then I would have laughed. I
think Mark Wahlberg would have laughed as well. He has a good sense of humor. His brother is named Donny. I bet he laughs at Donny a lot.