Review: Space Chimps

space chimps review

Timeframe: the 1990’s
A movie theater has a display of floating monkeys.  The monkeys are disconnected from the world. They think they are in space. They don’t believe in earth. The world has ended.  The cardboard they are made of is starting to dissipate.  They ask each other, "Do you smell rotting vegetables?"  They agree there is a festering odor.  They are embarrassed.  They don't want to admit it is them. Their spaceship is made from an old Buick LeSable.

Time frame: Fifty-billion years ago:
One monkey tried to lease a Buick LeSable.  The car salesman said, "You have no money monkey."  The monkey rolled its eyes at the car salesman.  The car salesman did not want to deal this monkey.  His collar was irritating his neck.  He had been sweating earlier.  Now it was dry, but clammy.  The car salesman tried to push the monkey out the door.  The monkey just looked at the man.  The car salesman put both hands in his pockets, leaned back on his heels, and said, "So you want to play this game?"  The monkey didn't answer.  It didn't understand why it was there.  The monkey wasn't actually trying to lease a Buick LeSable.  It had wandered into the car lot and rubbed the teal Buick.

Timeframe: Ten years into the future.
Two monkeys tried to eat rocks.  They could not swallow them.  The rocks chipped their teeth.  They didn't like the sound of the rocks on their molars.  They took the rocks out of their mouths.  There was a highway on the other side of a wall.  They looked at each other and then at the rocks in their hands.  One of the two monkeys thought, "This rock is why my grandmother bought a Buick LeSable."  This monkey did not understand its thought.  The other monkey had a similar thought, "This rock drives like a Buick LeSable."  Like the first monkey it did not understand what it was supposed to mean.  It did have questions like, "If this was supposed to be a kids movie or an action movie (It wasn't sure if he was in Space Chimps, Planet of the Apes, or Eddie) why are they advertising a car predominantly owned by the elderly?"

Timeframe: Present
Three monkeys wore vee-neck t-shirts.  One of them smoked a cigarette.  There is no warning for monkeys.  It only says, "May cause damage to pregnant women."  A monkey is not a pregnant woman.  That is why this monkey smokes.  The other two monkeys in vee-neck shirts are eating ice cream cones.  The three of them are trying to go to a nightclub called robot.  They do not know where it is.  They do not know that vee-neck shirts are not allowed.  They ask a raincoat salesman if he knows where the club robot is.  He does not.  He asks them if they want to buy a raincoat.  They do not.  It is not raining.  As they are walking away a blimp flies overhead.  It is not dumping milk tonight. That is why no one is buying raincoats.  The side of it says, "I am a Buick LeSable."

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