Dear Michael Ian Black,

I have not read your new book My Custom Van. I have not bought your book. I probably won’t do either of these things. I am sorry. I am poor, but I do have a proposal. I will read your book…if you send me a copy of the book. That might seem like a pretty shitty deal for you because you’re basically giving away your book and get nothing in return, but I am not finished with my proposal. My entire proposal is this: I will read your book one page, a day at a time and when I am done with that page I will eat it. I will rip the page out of the book (or if you prefer not to have your book destroyed I will make a copy of it and eat the copied page). I will only do this though if you send me a copy of the book. Now this seems like a pretty good deal for both of us. I get to read your book and you get to watch me eat your book one day at a time for 244 straight days (the book is 244 pages long). Now, I was a little curious to see if I would do significant damage to my body if I ate paper, but it appears (at least to two out of four answers at yahoo answers) that eating paper won’t cause damage.

So that’s basically the proposal Michael Ian Black. Please get back to me if you are interested in accepting my proposal. I figure each day I will make a video of me eating the page and post it on youtube as evidence. This could work. Maybe it will start a huge trend of people buying your book and eating it. Then when this book sells out you can reprint a special edition that is edible. The possibilities are endless. So once, again the proposal is you send me a book, I read it, and I eat it. I probably won’t eat the cover. That’s not part of the deal.

Sincerely,

Mark Baumer