EDY: welcome to the review of the foot fist way (the following is a conversationg between everyday yeah, his roommate, and Mr. Thieves Jargon)

Thieves: Do you think this review will make enemies for you the same way the review for that nosebleed book will?

EDY:only if chuck the truck has a blog

Thieves: Maybe Julio has a blog.

Thieves: If "rinky-dink" was your word of the day for yesterday, what would be your word of the day for today?

EDY: ezsleepmatresses.com

aaron.fix: ez sound proofing

EDY: ezsoundproof.com

aaron.fix: If you only see one movie in 2008, make it The Foot Fist Way

Thieves: What was the main character's name again? Frank something?

EDY: if you only see one movie see batman

mr. simmons

aaron.fix: Yea Fred Simmons according to google

Thieves: What do you think Fred Simmons' parents were like?

aaron.fix: A lot like him

EDY: mom has a mustache

dad pisses on mother's wedding ring

Thieves: Did he have any siblings you reckon?

aaron.fix: Older brothers that picked on him for sure

Maybe even sisters that beat him up

Thieves: Older brothers make sense, because they would have got him into Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee movies.

EDY: all i know is that i don't think i've ever had anything like that happen to me

Thieves: Anything like what?

EDY: that movie

even if i owned a dojo and wasn't an only child

aaron.fix: Why do you think his whore wife was carrying Xeroxes of her ass and boobs in a manila folder?

Thieves: Meeeeemories.

aaron.fix: SPOILER ALERT

Thieves: Or maybe her pesky office workers were playing a practical joke on her.

EDY: i don't think i know of any other places

maybe in the refrigerator

Thieves: The tell-off at the end might have been the best tell-off I've seen since Clark Griswold drank all the eggnog in Christmas vacation.

I'd like to see a transcript of it, because half of it was missed because of all the laughter in the audience.

aaron.fix: truth

EDY: interesting fact about danny mcbride, the man who played mr simmons. he was in superbad. he was a standin at the party at 5th and paysview

Thieves: And the director was his creepy blonde friend, right?

aaron.fix: How the hell am I supposed to remember who he was in that movie?

EDY: well not in superbad, but yeah in the foot fist way

aaron.fix: ok

In the preview there is a song by Andrew W.K.

why do you think it wasn't in the movie?

EDY: previews in 2008 are better than the actual movies in most cases

if i was a big name director i wouldn't make full lengths anymore

Thieves: I think Andrew WK's brother played Chuck the Truck, I detect a strong familial resemblance.

Where's the market for short-lengths, aside from midget porn?

EDY: i'd just make previews of movies that didn't exist

grindhouse had the right idea

aaron.fix: you could review movies that don't exist

EDY: you could call them iphone movies

Thieves: My research has led me to believe that TKD is actually the shittiest of all martial arts except for capoeira.

In terms of street fighting effectiveness.

aaron.fix: truth

EDY: you know how in the movie when the guy hits the old woman in the face and then kicks her in the gut?

aaron.fix: all the guys at my Jiu Jitsu place made fun of it

SPOILER ALERT

Thieves: He kicked her in the gut? I thought it was a well-placed boot to the face.

EDY: this lady, we'll call her kobe, seemed pretty knowledgable in TKD and probably would still get raped 9 times out of 10 if the ally was somewhere in the NBA finals on ABC in HD

how is that a spoiler alert

they show it in the preview

lets do all kinds of spoiler alerts

Thieves: Did this movie take place in Texas or New Hampshire?

SPOILER ALERT

EDY: do not go see this movie if you are a fan of strong marriages that endure all kinds of bumps in the road anywhere from handjobs to your boss to having sex with a truck man

i don't know what i said there

aaron.fix: I don't know where the movie took place but it looked like a really shitty place SPOILER ALERT

EDY: i think i'm still emotionally distraught from losing by eleven points in basketball a half hour ago

aaron.fix: SPOILER ALERT

you weren't really trying hard though

I guess neither was I

EDY: i'm not very good when the court is wet

aaron.fix: that's weakness

Thieves: Do you think wet workout mats would stop Frank Simmons from putting on a bitchin' demo?

aaron.fix: Fred Simmons would punch Mark Baumer in the face and tell him to do better

EDY: yeah, i mean he couldn't even break a simple board when julio kind of held the wood a little wobbly

aaron.fix: we all know that was Julio's fault

Q: wouldn't that movie have been perfect for the song "Me and Julio down by the school yard" by Paul Simon?

A: yes but the royalties would have cost more than the entire movie's budget

EDY: sorry

aaron.fix: Henry before the party or after?

before, Julio wipes the floor with his face

Thieves: SPOILER ALERT

EDY: what's stewing over there mr. digangi?

Thieves: I'm stewing in questions.

For instance, what if the blonde weirdo from Sexual Warrior, also a 5th degree black belt, fought Chuck the Truck, what would that have been like?

aaron.fix: I think that would have ended in kissing

EDY: i would like to see a movie of just chuck the truck

aaron.fix: http://www.chuckthetruck.com/

Thieves: Link 11 is called "Cab Assy"

aaron.fix: and her "work papers"

Thieves: In my book publicity class the other day, the professor said that reviews should not be summaries, but instead, evaluative, essays if you will.

SPOILER ALERT

Which means this movie should be evaluated amongst its peers.

Karate Kid, Kung Fu Hustle, and Napoleon Dynamite.

aaron.fix: Star Wars

EDY: I like star wars more

aaron.fix: SATC (Sex and the City)

Thieves: What is SATC?

EDY: i actually think it goes kung fu hustle. then napoleon dynamite

and then karate kid

aaron.fix: Mark you have seen both movies. In your opinion, who is the bigger whore, the wife in The Foot Fist Way or every single chick in Sex And The City

EDY: i'm just basing it on the previews for thse movies

ive never seen a preview for karate kid

aaron.fix: and as a corollary to this line of questioning, how many HJ's occur in the SATC movie?

EDY: i mean its tough because both are not hiding that they are whores

its a class thing

Thieves: Whores come in all classes.

aaron.fix: but do they give HJ's in all classes?

Thieves: Do you think those were the actresses actual breasts in the manilla folder?

aaron.fix: that's a puzzler

EDY:: no HJs, but i do know that on the TV show once one of the chicks wouldn't sleep with a guy but gave him a HJ

that's a good prank

Thieves: I thought HJ's sort of stopped sometime shortly after college. More an age thing opposed to a class thing.

EDY: that guy must have been the worst

Thieves: But I've never dated a high class girl, so I can't say for sure.

aaron.fix: My guess is that they actually give HJ's longer than lower class girls

they prudes anyways

Thieves: How many people in the theater last night got HJ's in the middle of the movie?

EDY: yes those were her actual boobs

no doubt i my mind

those sketch comics before the show surely gave each other HJ afterwards

Thieves: That was my bext line of thought.

aaron.fix: It would have been better if they did that in front of us

instead of the sketch comedy

Thieves: The sketch-comedy troupe (SPOILER ALERT) seemed to be a big HJ crew.

Bunch of HJ artsts.

aaron.fix: you know what really made the evening though was the music playing in the theatre before the HJ/Sketch comedy group

really good stuff

EDY: if i was doing publicity for the fist foot way i would just hand out photocopies of boobs

nothing written on pages

just boobs photocopied, that's it

Please help promote Foot Fist Way by printing out these photocopied breasts and passing them out in the street.

Thieves: When you post the review of this movie, that should be your feature picture.

Not the actual movie poster.

aaron.fix: but where do you get those boobs?

the girls upstairs?

Thieves: Do you have some filthy neighbors?

EDY: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=padviIBaOag

that is them at work

Thieves: I'm reluctant to watch that video at work.

aaron.fix: that's the right decision

Thieves: I don't have a privacy screen.

But speaking of work, I should probably go do some.

We should wrap up this review with a ranking system.

EDY: i give this movie a toe