interview with mr. shields

EDY: I'm curious
about your view on what's going on with the Supersonics right now. You've
obviously been a fan for a long time and now it looks like they're
moving. Feel free to rant as much as you want.

David Shields: Not
too interested in this topic, I must admit. I just don’t follow sports anymore,
Mark.

EDY: No
problem. If you don't mind, can I ask why? If you do mind then
could you maybe point me in the direction of a writing you did that explains
your reasoning. If that doesn't exist and you still would rather not talk
about it then maybe you could tell us how you spent your lazy Sunday (and if it
wasn't lazy then I apologize)?

DS: Sunday: in
airports. Sports: tapped out…

Mark, sorry my responses so brief. Just insanely busy. Your website is fun.

EDY: Completely
understandable. I can imagine you've got a lot on your plate with the
book and Washington. To help out, I'll just cluster a bunch of questions
and you can spin through them as quick as need be.
I read somewhere that you always wear black, was this a passing trend, or a
lifelong wardrobe choice?
DS: Passing trend.
EDY: Have you seen the movie Rocket
Science? I thought of your book Dead
Languages when I saw it. What did you think of it when you saw it, if you
did?

DS: God-Awful.
EDY: The title of your new book
reminds me of the Flaming Lips song, "Do you realize?" Particularly
the lyrics, " Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will
die" Are you familiar with this song?
DS: Don't know it.
EDY: Are you surprised that your 50?
DS: Thrilled.
EDY: Was it a relief when you came
to the conclusion that you, as an individual, in the grand scheme of things,
don't matter?
DS: Yep.
EDY: Why do you think some people
get so depressed by this notion?

DS: They hate
their lives.

EDY You've got me
interested in your movie tastes now. What's the last good movie you've
seen?

DS: No country.

EDY: Best movie
in the last ten years?

DS: Bright Leaves.
EDY: Most re-watchable movie in your opinion?

DS: Singing Detective.
EDY: Then again, you might not care about movies a
whole lot? Last good book you've read?

DS: Vanishing
Point.

EDY: Best new
writer you've found?

DS: Markson.
EDY: Best writer you've ever taught?

DS: Coetzee
EDY: The book you've re-read the
most?

DS: Speedboat.
EDY: Do you see movies and books
moving closer to each other in form?

DS: si.
EDY: Thoughts on how MFA programs
have changed since you got yours?

DS: Decline.

EDY: Someone said your new book is like "Tuesday without Morrie," with the
schmaltz. Do you agree with this? Why
does everyone hate being schmaltzy? Would
you accept your book becoming a part of Oprah's book club?
or do you think people would get confused and think it was too schmaltzy? When is the last time you had a chicken with too
much schmaltz? Should I be worried that
the pinnacle of my brain is only a year away and that after that it's all downhill
from there? Actually, I guess I know what you're going to say, basically
it comes down to me being an individual and me not really mattering...instead,
let's turn our attention to this pair of underwear I am wearing. They are
filled with holes. They should have been thrown out years ago, but they
remain in constant rotation, etc., etc. To be honest, I don't know where
to go from here with the talk about my underwear. Not much will
change. They will continue getting older and older. One day, they
will be gone. This is your view. We've touched on it briefly.
It is the premise of your new book which in a way has me wondering if there is
a meaningful question I could ask you. Besides coming off like a dick,
what stops you from answering every question with something along the lines of,
"We're all going to be dead one day, my answer matters about as much as
yours"?

DS: Schmaltz as
unearned emotion, lies, syrup, falsity to sell books.

EDY: Are you ever
going to make it to Boston?

DS: For the paperback.

EDY: Are there
plans for a book of short stories?

DS: handbook for drowning was recently
reissued.

EDY: It seems
like you only put out a new short story every or so. Do you not care for the
form?

DS: Plenty of
short stories out there. Dozens. I can send you bibliography if you want.

EDY: How many
pages was The Thing about life... originally?

DS: 487

EDY: Is it
possible that you'll ever grind out an epic 1000 word novel?

DS: Not sure how
many epic novels are 1000 words.

EDY: Do you have
a stack of unpublished manuscripts you're sitting on?

DS: 2 books
coming out in next 2 years.

EDY:Do you ever
catch yourself wishing you had done things differently with your life?

DS: no.

EDY: Do you think
college has become something of a joke?

DS: no.

EDY: When you go
to the gym are you a treadmill or exercise bike type of guy or do you prefer
something odd like rollerblading?

DS: Swimming.

EDY: I knew it
was swimming. I had a gut feeling. Do you have your own pool?

DS: Yes--100
meters in the living room.

EDY: Most of your
books seem to have an autobiographical nature to them? Do you get sick of
talking about yourself or answering questions about yourself in interviews?

DS: Yes. i think
we're done, no?

EDY: Will a horse
ever be put on the moon?

DS: just
yesterday this happened, actually, according to a text message I received.
EDY: Hows the back?
DS: Great, actually.

EDY: Would you want
to own a pet if it could talk to you?

DS: No. their
appeal is silence.

EDY: I may have
eaten three bagels and eight eggs this morning for breakfast. Think you can beat that

DS: I'm a big
oatmeal fan.

EDY: What do you
think of Dave Shields?

DS: Don't know
him.
EDY: Ever met him?
DS: n/a

EDY: What would
the conversation go like if you did?

DS: n/a