I am writing a new novel called 'i ate dinner at 7-11 last night'

Last night I was hungry because I hadn’t eaten dinner.  I walked to 7-11 and bought a package of cookies and a big gulp.  As I walked home and ate my cookies I thought, “When I make a blog post about this my mother will probably cry and think she failed.”  Sorry mom, I did not really eat at 7-11 for dinner.  You can stop crying.  Also, I would appreciate it if you stopped reading.

Anyway, the cookies tasted pretty good.  The big gulp was okay.  I thought, “I think I want to try being fat for three to six years.”  My parents have lost a lot of weight recently.  I feel it’s my responsibility to balance out the national obesity average.  I like fat America.  I want people from other countries to think Americans are huge.  Maybe I will try and gain a hundred pound so I can get my own reality television show.  I might get a job at 7-11.  Maybe I will open my own store called 7:22.  It will only be open at 7:22am and 7:22pm.  The store will sell pictures of me being fat.  My store will be a table outside of 7-11.  At every other time besides 7:22am and 7:22pm I will be inside 7-11 eating big gulps and drinking ice cream.  I have a feeling my mom is still reading.  I think she will be slightly proud of me because I will have my own business one day, but she is probably still crying.  She will keep crying and buy all the fat pictures of me and think, “I have failed.” 

I’m sorry mom.

Here is a excerpt from, 'i ate dinner at 7-11 last night' aka, ‘OMG I LIVE NEAR A 7-11 and NOW I’M FAT’:

“7-11 has hot dogs and I am afraid of them.  At some point I will eat one, but every time I buy a hot dog I have been unsuccessful when I attempted to eat it.  Mostly, I run out of the store after I pay and throw the hot dogs on the roof.  I think it costs $2 for two hotdogs.  I went to a friend’s birthday party once.  It was at a bowling alley.  There were hot dogs.  I ate three.  One kid dropped his hot dog and got another one and dropped that one too.  I looked at the ice cream and then at my shoes and thought, ‘I should put my shoes in the ice cream freezer and take out a choco taco and eat the choco taco as I walk home barefoot.”