Dear Rachel McAdams: Letter Sixty Three

Monday May 11, 2009

Dear Rachel,

Would you please do something scandalous? Now that I'm on letter number 63, I would like nothing more than for you to get caught on tape hitting a little child, or using racial slurs to berate an old Asian hotel attendant, or getting ill-advised tattoos a lá Britney Spears. I think that, by this point, I am one of the world's foremost experts on Rachel McAdams. I'm pretty sure that if you did something shocking, my phone would be ringing off the hook with journalists asking for quotes and news networks requesting an on-air appearance. Your fall from grace could be my gravy train.

I'm working my ass off over here, throw me a bone.

Sincerely,

Nick Punto