A Brief Conversion with Woodie Stephenson
Woodie Stephenson is from Texas. His story, Turtle Soup, is running at Thieves Jargon. He has helped host a cable variety show called target="_blank">TV Party Tonight.
EVERYDAY YEAH: Woodie
Stephenson, I just woke up (11:15am). I don't know if you're a hockey fan
or not. Chances are you're not, but at the very least I recommend you at
least look at highlights of game 5 of the Stanley Cup. Anyone who cares
about beauty or art or anything poetic or all that junk could take a lesson
from last night's game. I'm getting chills just thinking about it.
Two Penguins go down, one because he got a puck in the face and the other
because he crashed head first into the boards, and they both return to play
roles in the game-winning goal. The first, the one with a gash and a
broken nose, returned to the ice not thirty minutes later. And I could go
on forever, but I've already rambled on long enough so let's turn our attention
to you Mr. Stephenson because I'm interested, what role has Black Flag played
in your life, and I only ask this because I saw you are a part of a cable show
called, "TV Party Tonight" which reminded me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFF7jzVfSB0
Woodie Stephenson: I'm a Texan--native Houstonian--but I
have no association with the strange animals that inhabit that hockey-loving
barnyard called Dallas, so therefore I have no ties to hockey, but, against all
odds, I did happen to see some of the game last night because I was
bartending vary late and what kind of bar wouldn't have a TV showing
sports; however, the only reason I saw anything is because my beloved Astros
had the night off. Some bloody hockey game, I must say, it was like a
triple header at the Roman Coliseum.
I've never been huge into Black Flag, but we did crib our
name from the song, and the the crappy cover version of TV Party we used for
our theme song was great. To be honest, I came on the show halfway through
the first season so I really had nothing to do with the original concept. My
involvement in the show was happenstance. I was schooling a friend of mine on
the best apartment-complex jacuzzis in Houston to break into when he asked me
to do a segment for the show. The next thing I knew I was doing weekly segments
called "Lifestyles of the Drunk and Disorderly (see YouTube)" and
hosting live shows where I interviewed artists and poets. Nevertheless, I
love punk. I'm going to see the legendary LA band X tonight!
By the way, don't feel guilty. I have 3 jobs and I still
manage to sleep until noon every day. How are you, Mr. Baumer?
I'm up a little
earlier today (5:41am). How's the bar scene been treating you
lately? Do you find it contributes to your writing a lot? As for
the Astros, somehow that division went from the worst in baseball to maybe the
strongest in the National League (so probably fourth strongest in
baseball). Berkman's a monster. Don't lie to me, you'd slap his ass
if you saw him walking down the street. What other jobs keep you
busy? Also, I'd like to hear your thoughts on that X show.
The job of tending even a half-decent bar is the crown
jewel of the service industry. Guys like me put in 10-plus years in
the business, waiting tables and taking shit from condescending customers,
and when you finally work your way into that coosh bartending job, you can be
yourself and make a small fortune doing practically nothing but serving up
drinks and attitude. My bar has a lot of great characters because it's a pool
hall, too. Just the names of some of these old pool hustlers is
enough to inspire characters and stories. I like to try to get the old timers
reminiscing about the past. They all sit at the bar during happy hour and I'll
instigate conversations where they reveal all sorts of sordid stories about who
cleaned who's clock back in the day and what hustler junkie ran his sister out
on the corner to turn tricks for him. I published a story in the Labor Day
issue of Ghoti Magazine (ghotimag.com)
where I took some inspiration from the pool hall.
Lance Berkman for MVP. Hunter Pence has been amazing, too.
The Houston Astros have what it takes to compete with the Cubs and Cardinals.
The come-from-behind victories they have amassed this season are amazing.
I work as a technical writer for RICE University
and I write for a monthly Realtor magazine.
X killed it. It was startling; just how old they really
look, but they sounded like they were in top form. Guitarist Billy Zoom
was up to his usual act, encouraging girl to lick his guitar as
he mouthed smooth lines to them during songs.
I kind of curious
how/when/why you find the time to write creatively when 2/3 jobs are writing
based? Do you get sick of it ever?
I have to approach my creative writing from a much
different angle and employ the two glass method. After two glasses of wine or
beer I can usually channel some creative energy and forget about the
3,000-word article I just wrote about a lady with a Texas-size hairdo who
sells 250 houses a year. Sometimes I can't write creatively at all though.
I get stuck like everybody I'm sure and sometimes it takes me something
ridiculous, like 3 months, to finish a short story.
How often has your
two glass method ever become a three, then a four, then an eight glass method
and before you know it you're drunk and your head is laying on the keyboard?
Did you touch this woman's hair?
What kind of impact would this woman have had if she showed up at that X
concert? Who would have been more turned off?
Maybe you can't talk about the woman with the hair in a negative light because
it interferes with work. So, what's the ugliest hair you've ever
dated?
Has the cardboard box boarding become a yearly Christmas tradition?
I'm not much of a hard drinker these days. Usually just
a couple a night. I think the natural reaction for a bartender is, after
dealing with sloppy drunks all night, to start pounding 'em as soon as the clock
hits 2 AM, or even earlier. I've been there before. I've got a great lady
in my life and I try to handle my sauce these days because a gentleman should
always be in control of his alcohol, not the other way around.
You'll find the biggest hair and the tackiest leopard-print
outfits in the real estate industry. That's all I'll say. There were a lot of
older punk and rock fans at the X show, so I imagine I could have run into
anybody. Last year, I ran into an old college professor at a rock
show and it was a curious experience.
The ugliest hair I've ever dated? I guess none of the cuts
have been too bad. Back in the mid-90s I remember the chicks all used to have
these undercuts where they shaved off all the hair underneath their ears. It
was pretty bad. Back then, girls would go pretty overboard with color, dying
their hair about 5 different shades. I guess I've dated a couple Rainbow
Brights in my day.
I haven't been back cardboard box surfing since we taped the
episode. This past Christmas we went to SantaCon which is this pretty
well-known pub crawl where everyone dresses up as Santas, but I dressed as
Jesus instead and tried to start a bunch of shit with the drunken Santas.
Well, it's been
good. Any last words?
It's been a pleasure. A note about the story, "Turtle Soup", actually:
Maybe I don't quite appreciate my life enough right now because I'm
stuck in the routine of it, working the same jobs and dealing with the
same time constrains and responsibilities. I wrote the story after I
visited a place, very much real, where I could see it all happen.
Maybe, if I could travel more, and gain more perspective, I would have
more to write about. Or, just possibly, if I could get out of Houston,
I would be able to step back and write something beautiful and true
about this place, which I'm not sure anybody has fully accomplished.
I've been reading a bit of Donald Barthelme lately (an amazing writer
who Houston owes more than a couple fruit baskets to), but I still have
yet to come across anything in his writing specifically about Houston.
Kerouac and Bukowski have mentioned Houston in brief passing in their
writing. It's the easiest and most-difficult of places. I'll write you
a story someday--you'll see.
